" These men did n’t want us because we were ' fledged for our eld . ' They require us precisely because we were n’t . "
When teenage girls share stories about “dating” much older men, there’s often a common thread: they felt they were exceptional — uniquely mature, specially chosen, or deeply understood by these adult men. It’s only with the hindsight of adulthood that many now recognize these “relationships” for what they truly were: predatory situations where grown men exploited the vulnerability and inexperience of teenage girls. These dynamics persist, in part, because society has long framed romantic attention from older men as flattering rather than alarming — especially for girls still forming their identities. It’s a harmful narrative, and one we need to keep challenging.
After we publishedprevious storiesfrom theBuzzFeed Community, even more women reached out to share their own experiences — often for the first time. Several expressed relief in realizing they weren’t alone, and reflected on how long it can take to fully process what happened. Below are 25 deeply personal stories about how older men groom, manipulate, and take advantage of teenage girls — and the lasting impact those experiences can leave behind:
word of advice : These stories include reference of sexual assault and abuse .
1.“There was a guy who hung out outside of my old ALL-GIRLS high school (he was 23 years old). When I first started high school, there was a rumor going around that he dates all the ‘hot girls.’ Being really young, and stupid, and insecure, I was extremely flattered when he wanted to date me. It didn’t work out because I wouldn’t have sex with him, so he moved on to the next one…and the next one…and the next one.”
2.“I was sexting and sent a picture of myself in a bra to an older man. As a child from a dysfunctional home, the attention was exciting and addicting, and I felt so ‘mature.’ At 16, I ended up dating a 19-year-old — questionable maybe, but I’m grateful that I didn’t seek out a deeper relationship with a much, much older man.”
" It terrifies me for the young girls who are growing up in a more digital - based era than what I was in . With Snapchat , Instagram , TikTok , and everybody experience a cellphone now , it create it so much easier to have ' secret relationship ' like I did . "
— ambermelon
3.“I was 18, a freshman in college, and he was 36. I thought I was so cool for having an older boyfriend. What I realize now, at 34, is that I wasn’t cool; he was just creepy. He would introduce me to his friends as his 18-year-old girlfriend. Every time, he would mention my age.”
4.“I was 16, and a friend of my mom’s was 29. He stalked me all over the place, and I thought he was creepy AF, but my parents kept saying how much of a nice guy he was and that I should give him a chance. One date was enough.”
— monkeybuttmom
5.“When I was 17, I met a man who was 30. He quickly gained my trust and pushed himself into my life as the one I should turn to for everything and the only one who really understood me. Whilst we were ‘friends,’ he would list the reasons why anyone my own age was too immature for me to date and how they couldn’t give me the freedom and responsibility I apparently needed. To his friends, I was some joke prize. They’d clap him on the back for having a really young girlfriend. He soon got me pregnant and stuck in a toxic and abusive relationship. He then played on my age as to why I didn’t understand what real relationships were like. He made me think I couldn’t leave him because if I did, it proved that I was the child he thought I was, who couldn’t handle an adult relationship.”
" He cut back me off from phratry and Friend . Again , he ’d expend their immatureness as a reason to get rid of them — despite him being just as , if not more , immature . He would apologize after being abusive , prey on my emotion , and pretend to cry only to bear on the abuse as soon as the dust had settled .
I finally get out , but it conduct me until my XX — when he was draw near 40 — to realize how much of a detention he had over me , how he had prepare me for this when I was too young to read what I was getting into , and how spoilt this was . "
— Anonymous , United Kingdom
6.“When I was 16, I bagged groceries at my neighborhood grocery store. Some dude came in and flirted with me. Eventually, he asked me out, so I told him I was 16. His response was, ‘You’re really mature for your age, and 26 isn’t that much older than 16.’ My teenage self (along with my then-underdeveloped frontal lobe) completely agreed with that statement. I got into a huge fight with my parents when they (rightfully) refused to let me date him.”
7.“When I was 16, I met a 22-year-old. We worked at the same place. When he first found out my age after a date, he said he needed to think about being with me, and I thought I convinced him I was mature enough. I don’t think he was ever ‘thinking about it.’ My mom was OK with the relationship, and as an adult when I asked her, ‘WTF?’ She said, ‘I thought it would be good for you.’ His sister was a teacher and so was his mom, and they also didn’t see anything wrong with it.”
" When we broke up , he threatened to kill himself . "
— mt5
8.“I was a junior in high school, and he was my 28-year-old boss at my first job. We got along right away. Little by little, we began texting more intimately and sexting. A close coworker of mine noticed our flirty ways at work and told me to stay away from him and that he was bad news. I didn’t want to get him in trouble, so I denied it. He ended up getting fired for something else work-related. After his firing, I found out he had done this previously to another girl I went to high school with, and also worked this job. That’s when I realized this was his thing; he preyed on high school girls.”
9.“I was 11 when I met him. He was 16 and a friend of my sister. He was a protective, big-brother type. Over time, we developed a friendship in our own right. By the time I was 15 and he was 20, it was no longer platonic. We were together for five years. It wasn’t until my 30s that, with the help of my therapist, things became clear. He wasn’t a big-brother type — he was grooming me. He wasn’t my partner; he was a predator. I wasn’t his equal; I was his victim and remained so for many years. Statutory rape is rape. It’s time we start acting like it.”
" At first , it was a mystery , something just for us . We were so intense ; we were so complicated . Other people would n’t understand . He was my world . He made me feel lie with and sympathize and that no one else could have intercourse or sympathise me the way of life he did . He was the good supporter I would ever have , the cracking love I would ever know .
He cheated on me the whole time . How dare I kick since he never promised me a normal kinship ? So I stayed . "
— melmisstornadon
10.“When I was really young (probably 7-13), I thought I was really good ‘friends’ with a baseball umpire who worked in my area. He was probably 23. He was originally my camp counselor when I was around 7. He would be the umpire for my softball games and my brothers' baseball games for years. Whenever I saw him, I would run up on the field, and he would pick me up and swing me around. He would always make me feel like the most special girl, and I was crushing hard. My parents knew who he was as he was very involved in the community and knew he and I were ‘friends.’ They did not think anything was wrong with it, as he was a staple in the community. When I was 13, it was in the newspaper that he was in a relationship with a 16-year-old girl, and he was arrested for statutory rape.”
11.“I was 15 and fond of my high school teacher, who was 45 at the time. I told him I really liked the way he taught his class. Then, he called me to a private place, hugged me, and, in my ear, told me that he’d had dirty dreams about me. It made me feel special. Long story short, I ended up going to his place to have oral sex. I found out later that he had done this same thing with other girls from school. It took me 15 years to understand that he was a predator.”
" We saw each other for six month , and I eventually learned he was married and had a kid my age . "
— marthamtzmedina
12.“I met the high school soccer coach of a different school at a graduation party for one of his players. I had just graduated, too, and we dated for that summer before I left for college. His friends never wanted him to bring his ‘high school girlfriend’ around, especially because his best friend taught at another local high school. I hated them for it at the time.”
13.“A 40-year-old married cop with kids asked me out every day from when I was 16 until he broke me down four months shy of my 18th birthday. He would sneak me and my best friend into bars to drink with him and his 43-year-old married cop partner. They would follow us home in their police cars when we’d drive home drunk. We’d meet and make out in his car at a park in the dark while he was on duty. I thought I was so grown. I bragged to a coworker about what was going on, and she threatened the cop with telling his wife. He never bothered me again. She also told my mom. I was mad back then, but thank god for her.”
" She cared enough about me to help me . I had n’t had sex activity with him , but I would have if it had gone on any longer because he was coercing and grooming me . He would ’ve been the first man I had sexual practice with too .
Sherri , wherever you are now , I thank you very much . "
— kmlw71
14.“I was 16, and he was 26. He creeped his way into my life through mutual friends and made me feel special — said all the right things (called me beautiful, hot, etc.). I thought I was so cool having an older guy interested in me. We hung out a few times with friends, and then he ended up inviting me over to his house where we had sex. I remember thinking during, ‘This is wrong. I don’t want this.’ But I was too scared to say anything or seem ‘uncool,’ so I stayed quiet. That morning, he told me that we should keep us a secret because my two older brothers (who were coincidentally his age) would kick his ass if they found out.”
" After that , I bring the ick any time I get word him and stay aside . I still can not believe I was that stupid to ever flow for his magic trick and rue every day that I volitionally went over to his house that night . "
— thegassygoose
15.“Ugh…I hate this. It makes me feel all gross because I was 16 dating a 32-year-old. I thought I was the coolest person in the world for dating a ‘mature’ guy. But this guy was a creep. He was a legitimate alcoholic — he would wake up every night in the middle of the night with the sweats and have to chug a 40 in order to get back to sleep. I am so grossed out that I spent THREE years with him. He stole so much money from me. I spent over $10,000 throughout the years purchasing alcohol for him, bailing him out of jail, and just straight money missing from my wallet. I had a job and bought my first car at 18 in 2008. It was brand new, and he got mad at me one day and thought I was cheating on him. He threw an empty 40 bottle through my windshield. I finally was able to escape at 19 and get shivers every time I think about that time in my life.”
— aerin123
16.“I started ‘hanging out’ with my (now ex) boyfriend when I was 17 and he was 26. I thought it wassoromantic that he waited until midnight of my 18th birthday to kiss me — so fucked up. My dad always refused to meet him, and, looking back, I’m surprised his reaction wasn’t worse!”
17.“When I was 16, I met someone who said he was in his early ’20s. At the time, I lived with a mom who was going through substance abuse. It was easy to do as I pleased. He would only take me out at night, where no one would see us. Hotels, his sister’s house when she was gone, his truck in a park — and it was always only sex. Never a movie or going out to eat or anything. After a few months, he told me he was in love with me and confessed that he was almost 30. I look back now as a woman in my 30s, and I’m disgusted that he knowingly took advantage of a teenage girl in a bad home situation.”
" He also confessed that he was actually married and had an elementary schoolhouse - aged son . "
— Anonymous , Texas
18.“I was 17 when an older man started coming to my work and flirting with me. I assumed he was in his late 20s but realized he was in his early 30s after I had gone on a few dates with him. I was aware that this was messed up, but I was not experienced. Guys at my school thought I was a nerd. Here was a guy who thought I was sexy and beautiful. I liked going on dates with him, but I felt nervous knowing how little control I had in any given situation. I lost my virginity to him, and, while it was technically consensual, looking back, I see how weird it really was.”
" Fast - forward to a few weeks later , his wife , who I never knew about , contacted me and told me to bequeath her married man alone . I was necrose . He tried to mess around with me some more , but him being married seemed like the icing the puck on this is messed up cake .
Again , guys at my school day see me as the subdued nerd , so if you do n’t think your quiet , studious daughter could fall prey to something like this , remember again . "
— Anonymous , Pennsylvania
19.“I was 16 years old and crushing on my stepmother’s brother. He was in his late 20s or early 30s. He took me to a strip club, got me served, and tried to have sex with me that first night (I was a virgin but so in awe of him). Luckily, Aunt Flo was in town, so I said no. We fooled around, and he held me until we fell asleep. This went on for a few weeks, but, thankfully, I never agreed to sex. The worst part, I realize now, is that the two times my stepmom caught me in his bed in the morning, I was the one in trouble. She said that if it happened a third time, she would tell my dad, and I would be in serious trouble.”
20.“When I was 14, my 13-year-old friend started ‘dating’ a man who was 21. Her parents didn’t know. She told me that she and her ‘boyfriend’ were working on a plan where she would accuse her parents of abuse so that DCFS would remove her from the home. Then, her ‘boyfriend’ could step in as a ‘foster parent’ and they could live together. I said, ‘Girl, he’s literally trying to kidnap you, please stop,’ and two weeks later she dropped off the face of the earth, and none of our friends ever saw or heard from her again.”
" I sincerely trust that ’s because her parent found out and relocated her to keep her good , but I ’ll never know . And before you ask , no , I did n’t cognize her parents and had no access to their physical contact information . "
— alexanderlaurel
21.“I never realized how many women went through this kind of thing. I thought I was alone in it but take some solace now knowing that I’m not. My predator was 41, and I was 18 but very naive. He was introduced to me by my mother; they worked together. To this day she has no idea what he did. The situation lasted about six months. He always supplied alcohol and would ‘borrow’ money from me whenever he could. Thinking back about it makes me sick to my stomach. How do they continue to get away with this?”
— amandaf4337d9eeb
22.“I was 18; he was 33. Originally, he lied and told me he was 30 because ‘three more years made the gap seem bad.’ Six months into our relationship, I caught him cheating with a 22-year-old. He had the audacity to blame her and her drinking, and then credit me for ‘being more mature.’ He was verbally and physically abusive. Despite growing up with a good family, I felt alone and stuck. I was naive enough to believe his lies for another year — until my mother knocked on our apartment door on Christmas Eve and sat in the hallway, refusing to leave without me.”
23.“This happened to me twice. At 14, I started seeing a 46-year-old guy because he was ‘nice.’ He wanted to wait until I was 18 before we slept together so he wouldn’t go to jail. I dated him until I was 17. I never knew how bad the situation was until I was much older. I just thought I was cool and edgy for being with someone so much older than me. After I graduated at 17, I moved in with my mom and started dating someone who was 23 and worked with my stepdad. He also lived with my stepbrother and cousin. I thought the age difference wasn’t a big deal because it was only five years. How bad could it be if he lived and worked with my family? But I realize my parents should’ve set some rules because I was allowed to do pretty much anything I wanted, which included staying at his place for weeks and drinking heavily.”
" My current boyfriend is only four month older , and we ’ve been happy for 12 age now . I care I knew what grooming was when I was younger . "
— thood2254
24.“15 years ago, I was legally an adult but still a teen. I dated my recently divorced boss, who was 24 years older than me. I was looking for a casual good time, and we both like to travel, so it was fun. It went over my head that he was too old for me because, in most ways, he was closer to my maturity level than others his age. After a couple of months, I realized he had a pretty significant drinking problem and tried to get out, but, shocker, my job became threatened. He became extremely emotionally and psychologically abusive, then sexually abusive. I ended up seeing a psychiatrist and dropping out of school because of my mental state. To get away from him, I took an international internship, which my work approved. However, he disclosed our relationship out of spite, and I was fired. He received no consequences and dated another employee who was younger than me.”
" There were no policies around dating at my workplace . Ultimately , I finish up stay overseas for nearly a decade . He still drunk - dials me once a year and go away a voicemail about how delicious he found the times he sexually assaulted me ( he ’s blocked , and , yes , I ’ve exchange act , but that piece of s#$% is crafty ) .
At the clip , the long time difference of opinion did n’t seem like a big deal . But now that I ’m older , I look back and intend , ' What kind of degenerate , emotionally stunted creep … ? ! ' Even if it ’s legal , it is NOT OK ! "
— Anonymous , California
25.“I was 17 but told I was ‘older for my age’ in both years and appearance. He was in his 40s and in a band I was performing with. I was so sure that I was the mature one — the one who defied the stereotype because I was so worldly. Spoiler alert: I was not. Babes, to anyone who is still a teen and thinks they’re special and mature…you’re not. Not to be rude, but to be helpful. I had seen a lot of the world while touring, but I was not mature enough for that relationship. And I would never be compared to a 40-year-old.”
If you or someone you cognise is in immediate risk as a result of domestic violence , call 911 . For anon. , secret assistance , you’re able to call the 24/7National Domestic Violence Hotlineat 1 - 800 - 799 - 7233 ( SAFE ) or chat with an advocate via the website .
If you or someone you eff has get intimate violation , you could call theNational Sexual Assault Hotlineat 1 - 800 - 656 - HOPE , which route the telephoner to their nearest sexual rape service supplier . you may also explore for your local centerhere .
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1 - 888 - 950 - 6264 ( NAMI ) and provides information and referral services;GoodTherapy.orgis an association of genial health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce hurt in therapy .
If you ’ve been the target of retaliation porn , theFederal Trade Commissionhas delineate some resources usable to you , as well as some steps you could take to protect yourself .
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