" He thought an ballock issue forth out when someone finish their period . Like … a chicken egg . "
Weaskedmembers of theBuzzFeed Communityto tell us the dumbest things that their partner said. Here are their hysterical (and concerning) responses:
Note : Some submissions number fromthisReddit thread .
1.“My boyfriend asked me if they speak British in Britain.”
— Maddie_Herrin
2.“He thought an egg came out when someone finished their period. Like…a chicken egg.”
— AbsolutelyNotMothman
3.“They thought turtles took off their shells to ‘make love.’ Five years strong 💪.”
— snickeynouse
4.“She ran the dishwasher without putting in any soap.”
— KawhiLeonardIsSenpai
5.“We were talking about dinosaurs and he was shocked to hear they were real. Then he proceeded to ask me if they really breathed fire. He thought dinosaurs and dragons were the same thing.”
— u / alixnkxng
6.“When he missed his daily medication, he threw it out instead of just saving it for the next day.”
— u / lostinstasis
7.“She preheated the microwave.”
— u / seanm3109
8.“They called it the ‘Specific Ocean.'”
— u / Skyne
9.“When he said he’d make pancakes and then put the dry powder directly in the hot pan.”
— u / Sims5Evr
10.“She refused to pay taxes, have a bank account, or pay for public transit. She told me, ‘I change my name every few years so they can’t find me.’ Like, she’d go to the government and change her name. Legally. So the government couldn’t find her.'”
— u / GreasyBud
11.“My wife would bring stuff home that said ‘refrigerate after opening,’ open it, and put it in the refrigerator.”
— u / overmonk
12.“She didn’t know that yogurt and pudding were not the same thing. She thought it was like how the British call fries ‘chips’. She had been eating pudding and granola for breakfast for months and congratulating herself for being so healthy.”
— u / MenudoMenudo
13.“She didn’t understand that you actually have to pay what you spent on credit cards. Like the credit amount she had was supposed to be her monthly limit that just resets each month.”
— u / alphalegend91
14.“My ex asked me, ‘Where does the sun go at night?’ I was dumbfounded. She was in her early 20s at the time.”
— u / VagrancyHD
15.“We live in central Alabama. She told me that she and herbest friendwere going to Birmingham for the weekend. I didn’t think anything of it; there’s lots of shopping and things to do in Birmingham. She came over that Sunday night to tell me how disappointed she was with the trip. They had driven through all of the wealthier neighborhoods in Birmingham, Alabama, for two days trying to find a house that matched the gates to Ozzy Osborne’s house and never found it. He lives in Birmingham, England.”
— uranium / bluecheetos
16.“I had a partner who stacked cups…when putting them in the dishwasher.”
— u / DoctorWafle
17.“She walked into a computer lab on campus and simply picked up a computer and walked home with it. She was living with me at the time, so I get home to find a very familiar-looking computer sitting on the kitchen table. She literally thought the computers were free for students. It took a bit of explaining to convince her that she stole the computer. I made her return the computer to the lab that night; she left it at the doorstep.”
— u / watabby
18.“He thought you absorb a gallon of water when you shower. So he didn’t need to drink water.”
— u / Wild_Butterscotch_7
19.“The doctor said my now ex-wife’s test returned positive she asked, ‘Does that mean I’m not pregnant?’ I knew at that moment I was in for a long ride.”
— u / mthw704
20.“We were doing a ‘fun fact about me’ icebreaker in a group and his was ‘I’ve never read a book.'”
— u / Unlucky - Limit7968
21.“When my ex asked me where they grew spaghetti.”
— u / YaBoyfriendKeefa
22.“I knew after her third ‘business opportunity’ turned out to be another pyramid scheme.”
— u / Aelerious
23.“When she told me she was a flat earther person.”
— u / Flimsy_Reaction_5535
24.“She didn’t want to watch the firstAvatarmovie until her uncle told her that it was based on a true story. I asked her if she meant that it was a futuristic version ofPocahontas…but no, she thought that it was somehow based on a true story.”
— u / bearhos
25.“She asked me if I could name all 52US states.”
— u / Mcshiggs
26.“An ex once asked, in all sincerity, ‘Do people who speak other languages think in English? All my thoughts are in English and I assume we all think the same way.’ We were 22 years old.”
— atomic number 92 / Vetinari-57
27.“I once asked my ex to start boiling the potatoes for dinner about 20 minutes before I got home so that they would be close to ready for me to mash up as the side for dinner. I got home right as he put them in the water. He had to call his dad to ask how to boil potatoes.”
— atomic number 92 / Early_Vegetable3932
28.“My now husband, when we were first dating, told me that he believed that all plants could be classified as either a fruit or a vegetable. After we were married he told me he thought platypuses were the size of golden retrievers.”
— u / batmanpjpants
29.“I introduced him to my stepsister. He said, ‘Weird. You guys look nothing alike.'”
— atomic number 92 / throwawayadvicesee
30.“She said playing basketball makes you taller. Her proof was all the tall people playing basketball.”
— atomic number 92 / rarawieisdit
31.“After homecoming in high school, we went for pizza. She wanted to try a vegetarian diet and as we were selecting toppings she asked me, ‘Is there meat in mushrooms?'”
— u / Imaginary_Sense_88
32.“My ex would only drink whole milk because when he saw 2% milk he thought,What’s the other 98%?He thought he was a genius.”
— u / smellycat25
33.“When I found out my ex didn’t know what order the months go in. When I asked him to learn he got mad, said no, and that it wasn’t something he was interested in.”
— u / DadImInSpace
34.“She thought people dug potholes during the night to force you to buy new tires.”
— atomic number 92 / kyle_circus
35.“They were curious about the amount of fat in water.”
— u / MentalAssaultCo
36.“I once briefly dated a guy who thought sweetened coffee had zero calories because ‘the sugar has dissolved, so it’s not there.'”
— millenialshrimp
37.“I have an ex who was a Marine and absolutely studied military history. He thought that Lincoln was our second president after Washington. It absolutely hurt my brain.”
— julesburton8
38.“I live near the border of Wisconsin and Illinois, and there’s a town nearby called Woodstock. My boyfriend was absolutely convinced that it was the famous Woodstock and wondered where they held the big-ass festival in the town. When I pointed out that Woodstock the festival was not affiliated with Woodstock the Illinois town, he didn’t believe me.”
— pahz
39.“My ex thought that the Underground Railroad had to do with trains and he used to live in the same area that Harriet Tubman was from.”
— limbecke12
40.“My ex-husband didn’t know you had to have a checking account, with money in it, and a credit or debit card to withdraw money from an ATM. He also pronounced ATM like ‘Adam.'”
— kwawrzszek
41.“I went to the opera with a guy. After it ended and the house lights turned on, he said, loud enough for others to hear, ‘I like how they did that with so little dialogue!’ He was not trying to be funny.”
— madeleinemagillb
42.“When I asked my ex if he had a vaporizer to smoke weed with, he said yes, and this man proceeded to pull out a HUMIDIFIER! He thought you could just put the weed in the basin where the water would go.”
— cardeezy
43.“My first serious boyfriend was 26 when he found out his blinds weren’t ‘fox’ wood… they were faux wood blinds. I had to explain to him that it was French.”
— saraa4a00f7b8f
44.“I once told a guy I was dating he needed more humility, and he literally responded with ‘Why would I want to be humiliated?'”
— MAS1987
45.“I once knew a person who, one day, told me that she had learned something new: the president of the United States is not the president of everything. Other places, like England, Australia, and China, have their own president. She was kind of excited about learning this.”
— stevieavebury
46.“I once dated someone who would not accept that people areanimals. She kept saying, ‘We’re people! Not animals! How can we be both?!’ She couldn’t understand how we could possibly fall into more than one category.”
— themaninthecave
47.“He told me that Adam and Eve were historical figures and dinosaurs were a myth.”
— ag1723
48.“I once dated someone who pronounced the ‘T’ in buffet when referring to the type of restaurant.”
— Shannon1740
49.“An ex of mine was having body odor issues, so one day I brought it up in the nicest way possible by asking him what his favorite deodorant brand was. His reply? ‘Men don’t wear deodorant, only women do.'”
— Peig77
50.“My ex, when I told him I had a meeting with the Dean of Liberal Arts, said, ‘Why isn’t there a Dean of Conservative things, too? This is why Republicans say they hate colleges! Y’all could fix politics so fast.'”
— Abcdg
51.“Doctor asked him, ‘How did you get food poisoning twice from the same dish?’ He said, ‘Hey doc, whatever doesn’t off ya only makes you stronger.’ The doctor replied, ‘No, it actually makes you incredibly sick.'”
— daymanfighteroftheniteman
52.“I was in a fight with my now ex-boyfriend, and at one point in the argument, I said, ‘Do you need me to reiterate!?’ to which he replied, ‘NO! I want you to repeat yourself!!!’ I then yelled back, ‘What do you think REITERATE MEANS?!’ I’ve never heard such a humiliating silence in my life. It was glorious.”
— crankyoldlady
53.“She thought that rust was one of the chemical elements. You know like: oxygen, neon, silver, uranium, rust.”
— amaneaux
54.“I sometimes wonder what my grandfather thought the first time his wife told him thatdogsattract lightning.”
— torbielillies
55.“I dated a girl in high school, and she was generally very bright. We were at the mall one day, looking at one of those big maps of the mall directory. She asked me how the map knew where we were standing. Dumbfounded, I asked her to clarify. She pointed at the point at the star on the map that said ‘You are here,’ and asked how the map knew. I explained that the map was where we were standing, and we are reading it. After 10 minutes of trying to explain, she still didn’t get it.”
— urban_pickle
56.“My best friend had a boyfriend one time that refused to drink water because it said it was unhealthy and caused cancer. His solution was that he only drank soda or diet soda. All day every day.”
— bri123
57.“My ex broke several coffee cups trying to reheat her coffee on the electric stovetop. We had a microwave. Why she tried to use the stove, I don’t know. Why she continued to try it after the first one broke, I don’t know. She had a master’s degree. I finally bought her a plug-in coffee cup warmer, and she loved it.”
— jamesc420ce9ec1
58.“He thought cutting the umbilical cord determined penis length. He legit thought it was the doctor’s fault for cutting it ‘too short’ if a man had a smaller penis and didn’t realize the cord was what caused people to have belly buttons. He didn’t think girls had an umbilical cord to cut at all when they were born.”
— audreyunashamed
59.“I dumped a guy because he didn’t know what color red and yellow make when mixed together. It was a question onAre You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?When I asked him to just take a wild guess, he goes ‘I don’t know, purple?’ That’s when I knew we were done.”
— hollyskittlesb
60.“I had to teach my ex how to locate a book in a library. We were both college graduates.”
— michelangelofangirl
61.“My ex asked me, ‘What kind of animal is Mickey Mouse?’ I just kept saying back, ‘Say that again…slower.'”
— emilycannon
62.“After homecoming in high school, we went for pizza. She wanted to try a vegetarian diet, and as we were selecting toppings, she asked me, ‘Is there meat in mushrooms?'”
63.“She said playing basketball makes you taller. Her proof was all the tall people playing basketball.”
64.“When we were first married, my ex wanted to cook dinner by himself so I gave him an easy recipe to follow and made sure he had all of the ingredients. He had me come look at it because he said it looked too dry. For one of the ingredients, he’d read ‘two and a half cups’ as ‘two half cups.'”
— jasminer4c6e42f7c
65.“When my ex asked me where they grew spaghetti.”
66.“She asked me if I could name all 52 US states.”
67.“My husband’s ex once said that Cinco de Mayo was on the 5th this year.”
— happyduck265
68.“When I was newly engaged, I introduced my then-fiancé to my mother. Well, of course, the subject of his family came up, and he revealed he was Puerto Rican. With a straight face, my mom asked him, ‘What part of Mexico is that?'”
— certified_drapetomaniac
69.“I dated a guy who thought if he jumped from an airplane without a parachute, he would survive. He said he knew how to land on his feet. He was dead serious.”
— furryshield932
70.“My husband and I rented a convertible while on vacation inHawaii. He was in a hurry, but I told him we had to wait a little while because I had to put sunscreen on the kids. He said not to bother because once in the car, we would be moving.”
— dizzyogre15
71.“My husband pronounces the S in Illinois.”
72.“My 49-year-old husband has complained multiple times about pain he was having in his ‘rotary cup.’ He’s essentially a borderline bodybuilder, he should know it’s actually a ‘rotator cuff.'”
— kimpoulos
73.And finally, “My husband had a student once who told him she couldn’t come to class because she had given blood, and it just wasn’t working out for her, so she was going to go and get it back.”
— fabjester383
entry have been edited for duration and/or pellucidity .
