" When the friendly relationship is on their terms . They only need to lecture when it ’s about them , convenient for them , or will benefit them in some style . They act annoyed or bucket along through the conversation if it ’s not meeting one of these goal . "
We recentlyaskedtheBuzzFeed Communityto tell us the “subtle” signs of a toxic friend, and they shared some unexpected friendship red flags that more people should consider. Here are the eye-opening results:
1.“If you notice your role in the relationship revolves around pitying the other person in some way, get out. Over the years, I’ve built some very solid, healthy relationships and some deeply flawed ones as well. The difference? The problematic ones were centered on my desire to rewrite the other person’s story…but that’s not my job. It results in an imbalanced, unhappy friendship.”
— Anonymous , Wisconsin
2.“When the friendship is on their terms. They only want to talk when it’s about them, convenient for them, or will benefit them in some way. They act annoyed or rush through the conversation if it’s not meeting one of these goals.”
— Anonymous , 37 , Virginia
" Their parking brake is material , while yours are inconvenient . "
— Anonymous
3.“I relocated to a different state in the US a while back and was finally making some new friends here. After a couple of friend dates — a hike, coffee, etc. — my new friend invited me to her house, and I was so excited! I thought we had moved beyond public spaces and could also hang out in our personal spaces. It was amazing, until I realized she never wanted to hang out in public spaces anymore…or at my house. She lived 50 minutes away.”
" concede , she had a precious pup , and it was adorable to see the firedog , but I could n’t do the almost two - time of day drive any longer … I come up to the issue once , but there was no modification . I moved on to other friends who also establish effort . "
— Anonymous , 30 , Utah
4.“Your closest friends keeping secrets that affect your life majorly is a huge red flag. Mybest friendrecently hid the fact that the guy I’d become exclusive with was sleeping with at least four other women, and I suspect several more. I was totally blindsided by it. When I told her, she said she knew. Her boyfriend told her at the start of our talking phase. She had been my person for 12 years, and she hid that from me.”
" It was n’t the first metre she ’s done this , but I was n’t exclusive with the first guy . I look at her in a whole unlike visible radiation and no longer hope her . I’m having a very hard time finish the friendship because of how close we are . "
— Anonymous , 42 Texas
5.“They never make time for you when they’re in a relationship, and if they do, it’s only to get feedback about their relationship.”
— Anonymous , 49 , Georgia
6.“Encounters with them leave you emotionally drained.”
7.“When they are opportunistic. They love to spend time with you to get closer to someone they like who they’re friends with. Or, they suddenly want to spend more time with you when you start making more money, going nice places, etc.”
— Anonymous , 37 , USA
8.“When you find yourself avoiding them and/or constantly complaining about them to your therapist.”
9.“When they stop caring, and then explode when you point it out: ‘Sorry, I’m not feeling good today, I have a low fever.’ ‘Okay.’ ‘Sorry, my eyes are puffy; my dog died yesterday.’ ‘Okay.’ ‘Sorry, I stepped on your foot. I tripped, and I can’t walk properly.’ ‘Okay, it’s fine.’ ‘Can you stop saying okay?’ ‘WTF? I’m trying to be supportive! Would you rather I blow up in your face??? Blah, blah, blah…’ Classic fake friend stuff.”
10.“If they won’t accept you for who you are and try to get you to change yourself.”
— cornytable97
11.“When they never ask in a 20-minute conversation, ‘How are you?'”
— dazzlesofficial
12.“Constantly making things about themselves ALL THE TIME. There is a difference between sharing a relatable story and just making it about yourself.”
— shilderbrandt96
13.“I had a friend in high school who was fun to be around and very carefree. I was the stable, supportive friend who listened and gullibly believed any hardship story. The first indication my friend was toxic and a user was when I went to pick her up for our high school graduation rehearsal, and her mom told me she wasn’t graduating. Fast-forward 10 years, and she regularly cancels on plans, and after I ask her about her constant cancellations, she claims to have a cancerous tumor in her stomach. I feel terrible and offer support only to find out she is pregnant and hasn’t told her parents, with whom she lives. She ends up in labor and calls me; she says to tell her parents that she is in labor and having a child. Her parents are mad at me for not telling them she is pregnant. I cut contact.”
" We reunite several years later , only for her to blow me off and incessantly make excuses when we fulfil and leave behind early . I stopped communicating with her , and she progress to out again after a few age and involve if I knew a just divorcement lawyer . I was married previously and have since blithely remarried . She is n’t even married . Shady bull**it . "
14.“When they can’t seem to keep other friends for long but obsess over them, that’s a red flag. I fell for it as a college freshman, glad to have any friend, let alone an older student, to help me navigate our major. She was always posting about what we were doing on social media. I found out later that she had to find new friends after some dramatic crap she pulled and the social media thing was to ‘stick it’ to her old friends.”
" After a year , she duplicate herself with her new friends and had to find a third friend chemical group in four years . "
— Anonymous , 32 , OH
15.“When you realize the friend creates 99.9% of the drama you and he get into…and you’re cleaning 99.9% of it. Also, when you realize that when he’s alone, you’re the main source of his validation, but in groups, you are relegated to background character instead of right-hand man.”
— thesettledpirate
16.“No accountability. No, ‘I messed up, I’m sorry,’ just excuses and avoiding you.”
And finally…
17.“If they only talk to you when they have no choice but to be around you (I mean like taking classes together, working in the same space) but will look you in the eye and not say a word in passing if that ‘conveniently accessible’ relationship is no longer that — convenient and accessible.”
" Also , if they always ask you for help or things but abuse that privilege:‘forgetting ' to bring their thing or give things back to you , and when they do , it ’s always in worse condition than you lent it to them , using you as their therapist and dumping all their life problem on you regardless of any boundaries you set , and nevering offer you anything back even when you need help . "
— a_117
take note : Some reply have been edited for length and/or uncloudedness .
