That roast chicken is much a phallus of the household at this point .

Surprise, surprise — another Monday is upon us, but it will come asnosurprise that I have devised another plan to free us from their grasp. Since Pope Gregory XIII is the one who created the Gregorian calendar, perhaps all I need to do is get a little message to the new pope and ask to have Mondays removed from the calendar once and for all. In the meantime, we’ve got these 27 hilarious fails from last week to get us through:

1.And now, you’re probably thirsty again, too.

2.You don’t have to grip the glass so hard, dude.

3.Look, olive you babe, but this is too much.

4.Reboots should work for the human body.

5.To be fair, it is a really beautiful roasted chicken.

6.It’s that sexy Martha Washington energy.

7.This one’s on the house.

8.Time to start the day over entirely.

9.It’s a uh… “long heart,” right?

10.Nothing better than trying to watch them find it afterward.

11.Looks like his legs have been… swept under the rug.

12.How do you return this without them thinking it was you?

13.Was your Power Card balance low?

14.This is how the pope does it.

15.Oh, is that all?

16.One way is, “I’m not having a goodtimeright now.”

17.There is no way to know when ice cream will return to this plane of existence.

18.If you’re gonna keep secrets, you can’t go to your regular bar.

19.Wait… what is the significance of six?

20.More casual, please.

21.Um, the one that’s closest to my house?

22.“He’s here!” “He” beingJahmyr Gibbs, of course.

23.She must think you’re perfect for everyone.

24.Seems like it’s already working.

25.Currently loading up on carbs for a day just like this one.

26.Worth the price of a Broadway ticket, to be honest.

27.And finally, thank you so much for your input.

If you enjoyed these laughs, go follow the creators! And for more fails, check out our most recent posts:

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A hand holds a colorful bottle labeled "Uncle Rick's Iced Tea Lemonade," containing 100mg THC. A tweet above describes an unintentional high

Tweet narrates a first date story: ordering drinks, a glass shattering in hand, and waitstaff helping with cleanup

Two slices of bread on a plate, one topped with a pile of black olives

Tweet from a user expressing frustration about waking up from a nap with a persistent headache

Tweet showing a phone home screen with a photo app displaying a roast chicken. User comments on algorithmically highlighted photos

Text conversation screenshot: One person prefers a knit dress and mentions colonial style as attractive

Tweet from @MuvoatGotti: "My bar closes at 2 AM. A girl came at 1:45 in a bonnet and a moo moo, and I poured her a double without questions."

Tweet describing a funny scenario where someone falls during a Zoom meeting because their foot fell asleep

A cup of coffee with latte art resembling a humorous, abstract shape on a table

Tweet about siblings being chaotic by hiding a phone during a bathroom break for fun

Dog sprawled on floor with his head against a couch, lying on a carpet next to hardwood floor

Two photos of light-wash jeans with tags attached. Social media text jokes about uncertain cleanliness

Tweet from user "krill" saying they had a rough night and another tweet addressed to Dave and Busters, expressing frustration

A parent shares a humorous anecdote about their 4-year-old believing parents get new names after becoming "mom."

Text exchange about Mother's Day, emphasizing trust in Jesus and God's will, and expressing gratitude for humility and serving others through faith

Tweet about being in pain on the floor and a three-year-old asking, "how do you measure time?"

Sign on escalator says shakes unavailable "until the unforeseeable future" at Alamo Drafthouse Cinema

Tweet about a bartender asking a man if he's kid-free for the weekend, leading to surprise from the man's companion about him having a child

Tweet by cole (@juul_survivor): "Why does my new doctors office need to know my bodycount what's going on." Image shows survey options about number of lifetime partners

Email reply authorizing a sick day with options for a formal or casual follow-up version

Tweet reads: "I don't know how to flirt I asked this girl what grocery store she goes to."

Tweet showing a grid of photos. The text humorously explains a mistake: a football depth chart screenshot mixed with family photos from a child's birth

Open notebook page dated 5/4/23 with the word "Mad" written; pen nearby

Tweet by user showing a fitness app screenshot with only 1 step recorded at 13:25. Caption reads: "busy day today"

Person dressed as Mary Todd Lincoln stands in a room with a quilted bed, accompanied by another person

Tweet reads: "me: 29 but i think i look 23. a 23 year old: arent u like 40."