They swore they ’d never tell anyone — until now .
I think it’s safe to say that we all have a secret list of cringey, questionable, or downright bizarre things we’ve done that we wouldn’t want anyone to know for various reasons. Maybe you’ve told a lie so big that there is no way you could admit the truth now, or perhaps it was something more innocent, like you accidentally liked your ex’s new partner’s vacation pic at 2 a.m. and you would die if any of your friends found out.
Recently, Reddit userdeadend-decendantwanted to know about those secrets when theyasked: “What’s the worst fuck up you’ve had that you’ll admit on your deathbed?”
1.“I stole a kid’s playset once. Answered an ad on Craigslist to pick up a free kids' wooden playhouse/swingset. Got the street right, but must have gotten the house numbers mixed up. Pulled up to a house I thought was it, knocked on the door, and no one answered, disassembled the playground, and threw it in the trailer. Several hours later I got an email from the Craigslist person bitching that I never showed up.”
2.“I was a little bullshitter as a kid and one of my elementary school rivals/best friends (kids are dumb) got a puppy. I was jealous as hell, so I told everyone that my dog was going to have puppies. I kept up the ruse for weeks. Finally, the enemy/bestie was due to come over to my house. I knew I was in deep shit so I came up with the best and also darkest idea: all the puppies died. We had a massive, unkempt backyard, so I made a pile of rocks and put sticks in the shape of a cross. When she came over, she asked my mom about it. My mom said, ‘There were no puppies.’ But, I told my friend that my mom was just so devastated she wouldn’t talk about it. I showed her the grave.”
3.“I know a funeral director that accidentally cremated someone who wanted to be buried.”
4.“I was using the laundromat at my university’s dorms, and one of my tops fell half out, making the door not sealed but still locked. Long story short, the place was flooded, I tried stopping the machine, but couldn’t, I tried calling the number of the machine, no one answered. I tried to clean it but didn’t have anything to do it with, so when the machine finished, I took my clothes and skedaddled out of there.”
5.“I got blamed for pushing a guy down the stairs after he tried to fight me. Had a few witnesses back me up, saying he slipped. Ended up in a wheelchair for a while. I pushed him.”
6.“My POS little brother, who was 17 and selling drugs, begged me to sell some jewelry at a pawn shop for him to pay off a traffic ticket. I hated this idea, asked where he got the jewelry, he said it was an exchange on a drug deal from a guy in a city an hour away. I did it in hopes he could get his license back and get a real job. The jewelry turned out to be my grandmother’s — the little bastard swiped it when he was helping my mom clean out her apartment shortly after she passed. I was so disgusted and tried to buy it back, but it was too late. I’ll never tell my mother, but holy jeeze, did I let him know what a POS he is.”
7.“I shit my pants on the playground in third grade because the substitute teacher wouldn’t let me back inside. When we finally went back inside, I made a beeline to the toilet, trashed my underwear, and desperately tried to clean out my shorts, to no avail. They were black so they didn’t show the obvious poop stains. We had to line up on the second square from the wall going back into class and the person behind me loudly stated that someone ‘smelled like crap.’ I ‘jokingly’ blamed the class pariah, and everyone ran with it. He got made fun of the rest of the year, but it was actually me. My bad, Robert.”
8.“My dog got sprayed by a skunk when I was in middle school and he rubbed a bit against my backpack when he ran in freaking out. I tried not to bring the backpack to school, but I had so much stuff that I had no choice, and my mom was having none of it. The lockers at school were in bays, so they were backed up against each other. I shoved the backpack in my locker when it was empty, and it got a lot of attention from students and faculty for how bad the smell was. The smell was blamed on these two popular girls who had their locker backed up against mine. As their bay had most of the scent for some reason. I pulled my backpack out later, and it hardly smelled at all for some reason. Almost as if the skunk’s stank literally drifted from my bag to their locker. Never got caught for it.”
9.“Tried to unclog a toilet at a party. Made it worse. Blamed it on a guy who left before me. Everyone still calls him ‘Sh*tstorm Steve.’ Sorry, Steve.”
10.“When I was in fifth grade, my friend brought a pretty powerful magnet to school. We then found out it messes with the monitors if you gloss over it real quick with the magnet — and we did this to the entire computer lab. Had no idea it broke the monitors and we never spoke about it again after that, lmao.”
11.“I was 4 years old and set fire to some weeds near my grandparents' house and almost burned the whole farm down. The firefighters came and put everything out; it took them a while to combat the blaze. They put it out, and absolutely no one asked me anything, cause I was 4, I guess. I wonder if my grandparents knew to an extent. Probably.”
12.“I did a reading at my son’s wedding. I was carrying a cellphone in the front pouch of a kilt I was wearing for the ceremony (the couple wanted a Scottish theme). And of course, I didn’t turn it off before standing up at the podium. My brother, who was running late, gave me a call at the moment I started my reading. Fortunately for me, the podium had a gap in the front, so instead of the sound coming up to my microphone, it traveled out to the pews. Everyone started reaching for their phones to check that they had shut them off — there were over 60 people there — and NOBODY was looking my way. I slipped my hand into the pocket and shut the phone off while they were distracted.”
13.“I broke a $50,000 tool at work and acted surprised when my boss found it broken. It was my first month working as a petroleum engineer.”
14.“Oh man, I was working in sales and had two ladies, one much older than the other. I just assumed and spent most of the appointment speaking to one lady and referring to the other as ‘her mum.’ Eventually her mum got up and went outside, and her daughter whispered to me, ‘She is my girlfriend, please stop calling her my mum as she’s about to punch you’ 💀. I gave them loads of free stuff cause I felt so bad.”
15.“Clogged the toilet with toilet paper at my new job at a school two weeks in. Left the mess there like nothing happened, ‘cause I didn’t know what to do. Later, a coworker was complaining to me about a little girl who’d clogged the toilet and kept denying it and lying to get out of trouble when she was told off. The little girl wasn’t lying. It wasn’t her. I did it. I felt sorry, but didn’t bother correcting my coworker.”
16.“My grandpa worked in an ammunition plant and taught me how to press my own bullets as a kid. I used the same backpack for school, and the bullet I was so proud of fell out of it at school. I pretended nothing happened, school went on lockdown, dogs searched everyone’s lockers, it was scary, and I still feel bad about it.”
17.“Stopped Apple’s global payments processing for a few hours and then fixed it. Got recognised for fixing it and won an award, which meant I got a very expensive high-performance trip (think five* weeks’ paid vacation). No one figured out I was also responsible for breaking it 😂”
18.“Stole my friend’s sister’s car, got high with their brother, crashed into a parked car. Returned the car. Police did an investigation never found out it was me.”
19.And lastly, “MANY years ago after some regrettable mall Chinese food, I tried on jeggings at Aeropostale and ended up full-on shitting in them. Total mess. I used a makeup bag from my purse to help collect the rest, folded the shitty jeggings back onto the display, and ditched the shit-filled bag in a random purse for sale at Dillards before vanishing. I’m so sorry, lol. I was like 13 and didn’t know I had IBS 😩.”
You can read the original thread onReddit.
take note : Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity .
