Take a intermission from your crying and laugh a little !
Hi friends! 2025 has been A LOT…so you could be forgiven if it has you looking like this:
But you know what they say, “you gotta laugh or you’ll cry,” so here are a bunch of funny jokes (sourced fromr/jokesand thisQuora thread) that might actually make you crack a smile despite it all! Check ‘em out:
1.“Why do ducks have tails? To hide their butt quacks.”
2.“My friend had surgery to transition from a man to a woman. I asked her, ‘Of all the things they cut, what hurt the most?’ ‘The salary,’ she said.”
— apeaky_blinder
3.“Did you know that William Shatner once tried to start up his own lingerie company for women? Unfortunately, Shatner Panties turned out to be a terrible choice for a brand name.”
— luxor_jae
4.“My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I’m paid to travel. My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I’m a bus driver.”
5.“Overheard two ladies talking — One said, ‘I’m getting a boob job.’ The other said, ‘Well, I’m getting my asshole bleached.’ The first one looked at her surprised and said, ‘I can’t picture your husband as a blonde.'”
— TheGypsyThread
6.“Fred came home from university in tears. ‘Mum, am I adopted?’ ‘Of course not,’ his mother replied. ‘Why would you think such a thing?’ Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results — he was no match for any of his relatives and a strong match for a family living on the city’s other side.”
" Shocked , his mother called her husband .
' Honey , Fred has done a DNA test , and … and … I do n’t lie with how to say this … he may not be our son . '
' Well , evidently ! ' he replied .
' What do you mean ? ' she asked .
' It was your melodic theme in the first position , ' her hubby stay . ' Remember that first night in the infirmary when the infant did nothing but holler and cry and squall and cry ? On and on . And then you asked me to switch him ? I break up a honorable one , I see . Ever so proud of Fred . ' "
— zahi36501
7.“My wife texted me this morning and said, ‘Your great.’ I replied, ‘No, you’re great.’ She’s been in a great mood ever since. I should correct her grammar more often.”
8.“How many incels does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They just sit in the dark blaming the bulb for not screwing them.”
— sugardiemen
9.And here’s another good one on the same subject: “What do an incel and Excel have in common? They often mistake everything for a date.”
— Dyrogitory
10.“My wife gave me a handjob the other day using Vaseline. I came three times trying to wash that shit off.”
11.“A dumb guy is overweight, so his doctor puts him on a diet. ‘I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat that for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.’ When the guy returns, he’s lost nearly 20 pounds.”
" ' Wow , that ’s amazing ! ' the Dr. say . ' Did you follow my education ? '
The guy nods . ' I ’ll tell you , I thought I was going to cast off dead that third Clarence Day . '
' From hunger , you mean ? ' said the doctor .
' No , from skipping , ' replied the guy wire . "
— Xafniko
12.“A wealthy man tells another guy: ‘I’ll give you $50K, but your worst enemy gets double that.’ The guy smiles and says, ‘Cool. I’ve always wanted $150K.'”
— Hammoudi123
13.“A kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word ‘definitely.’ To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. A student in the front raises her hand and says, ‘The sky is definitely blue.’ The teacher says, ‘Well, that isn’t entirely correct because sometimes it’s gray and cloudy.’ Another student says, ‘Grass is definitely green.’ The teacher again replies, ‘If grass doesn’t get enough water, it turns brown, so that isn’t really correct either.’ Finally, Billy raises his hand and asks the teacher, ‘Do farts have lumps?'”
14.“A little girl asks her father, ‘What is SEX?’ The father thinks,this is the day I tell my little princess everything about sex. He sits her down and explains sex, including sexual intercourse, conception, sperm, eggs, ovulation, menstruation, etc.”
" Then the little girl ask , ' dad , what is a COUPLE ? '
He explain that a couple is when two hoi polloi are romantically involved and that it unremarkably involves them sustain sex . Then , in his nervousness , he begins explaining in too much item the unlike sexual positions . Finally , he cut himself off and asks the small fille , ' Why do you require to jazz about a couplet and sex ? '
She answer , ' Mommy said that lunch will be ready in ' A COUPLE OF SECS . ' "
— Navnath U. , Quora
15.“My penis used to be in theGuinness Book of World Records, but then the librarian asked me to take it out and leave the building.”
— u / Mcshiggs
16.“A small plane is flying from Dallas to Denver when the engine sputters and dies. The pilot runs out of the cockpit, grabs a parachute, opens the door, then says, ‘Sorry, there are only three parachutes left,’ and jumps out. This leaves the four passengers: a 12-year-old boy, a college professor, a priest, and a doctor.”
17.“I dated a girl whose kink was freezing my penis. We eventually broke it off.”
— ilikesidehugs
18.“A man always smokes two cigarettes at the same time, so eventually one of his friends asks, ‘What’s with the two cigarettes?’ The man replies, ‘My brother is in prison, and he told me to smoke a cigarette for him every time I smoke one for myself.’ Sometime later, his friend sees the man smoking one cigarette instead of two. Surprised, the friend asks, ‘Has your brother been freed from prison?’ The man replies, ‘No, I just quit smoking.'”
— ArinKamaran
19.“A 60-year-old millionaire got married to a 20-year-old model. When his friends asked him how he did it, he said: ‘I lied about my age.’ They then asked: ‘Ah, so you said you were 40?’ He answered: ‘No, I said I was 90.'”
20.“A man lost one of his arms in an accident. One day, he felt terribly depressed and decided to end his life. He went to the top of a building to jump off, and was standing on the ledge looking down when he saw this man skipping along, whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw this man didn’t have any arms at all. He started thinking,what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself? I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life.”
" He hurried down to the street and caught up to the man with no arm . He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly and useless and was get to kill himself . He give thanks him for saving his life , add he make love he could make it with one branch if that guy could go on with no arms . The man with no arms start out dance and kick back up his cad again .
The one - armed man asked , ' Why are you so happy anyway ? '
He replied , ' I ’m NOT happy … my stern itches . ' "
— Charu R. , Quora
21.“A man walks into the therapist’s office and says, ‘I think I might be a dog.’ The therapist offers him a seat, and the man responds, ‘Oh I’m not allowed on the furniture.'”
— leslie12345
22.“A woman dressed up as a policewoman, then surprised her boyfriend in their bedroom and told him he’s under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. After two minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.”
23.“During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, ‘How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?'”
" ' Well , ' said the director , ' we fill up a bathtub , then we tender a teaspoon , a teacupful , and a bucket to the patient and expect him or her to empty the bath . '
' Oh , I understand , ' I said . ' A normal mortal would use the pail because it ’s magnanimous than the spoon or the teacupful . '
' No , ' said the conductor , ' A normal individual would deplume the bathtub drain fire hydrant . Do you require a bed near the window ? ' "
— silentstorm2008
24.“A woman asked an old, retired Army general when was the last time he made love to a woman. The general replied, ‘1959, ma’am.’ The woman, in disbelief, said, ‘1959?! That long? Come with me, and let me make your night better.’ The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love. Afterward, the woman cuddled up to the general and said, ‘Well, you sure haven’t forgotten anything since 1959.’ The general looked at her, confused, and replied, ‘I sure hope not! It’s only 21:30 now.'”
— madame_shrimp
25.“A woman holding her little baby gets onto a bus. The driver says, ‘Wow, that’s an ugly baby!’ The woman is outraged, but says nothing. As she walks back to an open seat, another passenger sees that she is upset, and asks why. She says, ‘That bus driver was so rude and insulting!’ The passenger says, ‘Why, you just go right back and give the driver a piece of your mind! Here, I’ll hold your monkey.'”
26.“A group of nuns is painting their convent on a hot summer day. Mother Superior tells them to hurry up and finish because the blind man is coming. The nuns get so hot from working in the heat that one suggests they take their tops off to cool down. Another says, ‘OK, I guess it’s just a blind man that’s coming.’ The blind man arrives and says, ‘Nice tits. Where do you want the blinds?'”
— norty
27.“My parrot recently died. Its last words were, ‘Fuck, I think my parrot’s about to die.'”
— indy1989
28.“Two sperm are swimming around inside a lass. One says, ‘Are we at the egg yet?’ The other replies, ‘Nah mate, we’ve only just passed the tonsils…'”
29.“A truck driver is starving and stops at a biker bar. He orders a beer and some food. Right after he’s served, a biker gang enters the bar, eager for a fight. One walks up to the trucker, and slaps his hat off. The trucker takes a sip of beer. Another biker swats his food off the table. The trucker takes another sip of beer. So a third biker grabs the beer and pours it over the trucker’s head. The trucker gets up, pays the bill, and leaves. The biker leader says, ‘That trucker sure wasn’t much of a fighter.’ The bartender says, ‘He’s not much of a driver either. He just drove over all your bikes!'”
— aditson
30.“At a job interview, the company director asks the candidate, ‘Why are you asking for such a high salary when you have no experience in this field?’ The candidate replies, ‘Well, the job is much harder when you don’t know what you’re doing.'”
— MarcoDanielRebelo
31.“A guy dies and, having been far from perfect in life, finds himself in hell. The devil greets him and explains that he’ll have to pick from one of three rooms to spend eternity in. So, the guy looks into the first room and sees anguished people shrieking in horror as they burn in a massive fire. He quickly shuts the door.”
32.“A guy is in for a job interview, and the interviewer asks him, ‘What would you consider to be your biggest weakness?'”
" The guy reply , ' Honesty . I ’m honest with everyone ; I do n’t recognize how to be anything other than totally honest with every single person I foregather . '
The interviewer says , ' I do n’t really see how honesty could be considered a failing ? In fact , I think satin flower is a great strength ! '
To which the guy answer , ' I do n’t really give a mother fucker what you suppose . ' ”
— Steven O. , Quora
33.“Two old ladies are sitting on a bus stop, smoking. It begins to rain, and one old lady pulls out a condom, stretches it out, snips the tip off, and puts it over her cigarette so she can smoke without her cigarette getting damp. The other old lady thinks that it is a nifty trick and asks her what she put over her cigarette. The lady replies that it is a condom, and that you can buy them at a pharmacy. The second old lady thanks her, and makes a note to pick one up when she gets her prescription filled later that week.”
" Sure enough , a few days later on , she enters the pharmacy , endure up to the young homo working the rejoinder , and says , ' untried gentleman’s gentleman , I would wish to buy a condom , please . '
The young man is taken aback by her advanced years , and replies , ' Wow . Good for you ! No one has ever asked me for help with that before . Um …. what size do you need ? '
The old cleaning woman pauses , then replies , ' I need one that will fit a camel . ' ”
— Mario Lanza
34.“My wife called out to me from the other room: ‘Do you ever get a shooting pain across your chest…like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?’ I said, ‘No?!’ She said: ‘…How about now?'”
35.“A man sits at a bar and orders 10 beers and drinks them one after the other. He then orders nine beers and drinks them as well, and this goes on and on.”
" So he orders seven beers and drinks them , six beers and drink them , five beers and drinks them , and then finally four beers . After drinking these last four beer , he says to the bartender :
' I do n’t understand this . The less beer I drink , the more inebriated I get . ' ”
— Thomas Cayne
36.“A little old lady goes to her doctor for a checkup. The doctor asks her if she is having any problems. ‘Yes doctor, I have a problem. I have to fart a lot. I fart all the time. Fortunately, no one can hear them or smell them. In fact, I have farted twice just since you came in. I bet you couldn’t hear or smell them, could you?'”
" The doctor hand her an examination and says to her , ' I can care for this problem with an over - the - buffet medication , a prescription , and a referral . '
' The over - the - return medicinal drug will help your eubstance produce less gas , the prescription medicine will facilitate you convalesce your good sense of odor , and I am founder you a referral to an audiologist to see if they can help you to hear better . ' ”
— Chuck Donaldson
37.“Two nuns are riding their bicycles around the backstreets of Rome. One nun looks over at the other and says, ‘You know, I’ve never come this way before.’ The other nun replies, ‘Must be the cobblestones.'”
( And if you use the anonymous form but require course credit for your caper , just put your name in under the joke ! )
