" My mom was my ' in force friend ' as a teenager . She was always view the cool mom . She bought my friends alcoholic drink and cigaret and let us drink in the house . She let me slumber at my boyfriend ’s family , and she called me out of school whenever I need . for certain , it was coolheaded at 17 , but it jolly much ruined my young grownup life . "
Weaskedpeople of theBuzzFeed Communityto tell us the biggest mistakes their parents made while raising them. Here are their most interesting responses:
Warning : This postal service mention aroused ill-treatment and eating disorders .
1.“We had to go to church pretty much every time the doors were open. Sunday morning service, Sunday school, Sunday nights, my mom’s choir practice, my choir practice, Wednesday nights…literally all the time. I felt I never had any downtime. I understand their intentions were good for the most part; however, my mom, especially, would say things to the effect of ‘How is it going to look if we don’t go?’ Now as an adult, I go to church because I want to go, not just to say I went, which means I may not go for two months because I just need a day off. However, I still struggle with what others think of me, to a fault at times, which I know is not healthy.”
" I treasure my downtime and am all right with being alone ( which of line , as a mom , is tough to add up by ! ) . I do n’t force my kids to go either . I am a Christian to this day , and I ’m thankful for that because my trust has been the only thing to get me through some rough times . However , I do n’t agree with going to church three to four times a week . "
— meandtwoboys
2.“When I was a preteen, my parents purchased me a two-piece bathing suit. Later that night, we were eating dinner, and I went to get seconds. My dad made a comment about not wanting me to look pregnant in my new bathing suit. And that was the beginning of my body image issues. Twenty years later, I still look in the mirror every day to see if I look pregnant.”
— thekatzmeow
3.“Whenever I got dressed into an outfit I liked, my mom would just go after the small things like how I didn’t brush my hair right, or I must straighten my clothes. And that has led me to say I don’t have anything to wear, and that gets her even more upset.”
— sarahflo2007
4.“My parents never really showed any affection or told me they loved me. Of course, they did, but they were also raised in a house where you didn’t say that. I’m an adult now, and it still feels really awkward when I tell my boyfriend that I love him.”
— s463b03bd4
5.“My mom is very much an ‘It’s not clean unless I clean it’ person, which was great growing up because my brother and I didn’t really have any chores and knew if we were asked to do something and left it long enough, she would do it for us. However, now as an adult, I realized there are so many things I don’t know how to do. I had no idea dishwashers had a filter that needed cleaning despite having a dishwasher pretty much my whole life. I have no idea how to fix anything in my house, and I tend to leave cleaning and tidying to the very last second, meaning it piles up, and I spend entire days cleaning if someone is coming over.”
" It also intend if my parents are come over , I get obsessed with everything being spotless because I know my mama will criticize if it ’s not ( usually she will find something that ’s not up to her standard no matter what I do ) . I ’m 33 , and I ’ve only just got my oral sex around clearing the kitchen up at least every yoke of daytime and not letting thing pile up . "
— b481d76f3c
6.“My parents enforced gender roles, and it was so fucking stupid. I couldn’t ask for a short haircut, or else I’d be immediately told that I can’t get a short haircut or I’d look like the f-word. I remember one time I was wearing a red Snoopy shirt and blue shorts, and my dad started yelling over how I ‘looked like a boy.’ My mom forced me to wear a dress everywhere. It sucked.”
— gabialbano782
7.“If my dad saw me laying in bed or just sitting around, he’d always yell at me to find something to do. To this day, I still feel a tiny bit guilty about just relaxing because I always feel like I have to be busy.”
— shaunc4ec0a868e
8.“I wasn’t allowed to showemotions. No crying or laughing. So I was in my early 20s when I learned how to laugh out loud, but crying while making noises terrified me. Both the sound was weird and the emotion was something that scared me to bits. Imagine being numb to the point of feeling dead for most of your life and then feeling the emotion of losing abest friend, so the emotion itself makes you wish for death. I’m still very scared of feeling truly happy and deathly afraid of sad emotions. So I just try to minimize any contact with the outside world.”
— katrinagirl
9.“Christian purity was BS to me as a teen. My mom and my dad really pushed the ‘No sex ‘til marriage or you’re going to hell’ thing. It caused me so much guilt around my own sexuality that I tried to kill myself at 18. I thought that I was going to hell and that no one would ever love me because I was ‘damaged goods.’ To my mom’s credit, she apologized. She said that in trying to protect her kids she really caused some damage. I forgave her a long time ago, but it was still nice and validating to hear that from her.”
— ashleyjohnson1
10.“My parents recorded all my phone calls (even though I was only allowed to talk for 15 minutes because this was in the day of landlines before cellphones). They would listen to my conversations and then punish me for anything bad or disapproving they heard. So, none of my friends ever called. If I asked to do anything with my friends on the weekends, they’d ransack my room on Fridays. I’d come home to every drawer of my desk and dressers overturned on the floor, everything pulled out of my closet, and clothes all over the floor. Everything pushed out from under my bed. They would then tell me I couldn’t do anything that weekend because my room was a mess. I was never allowed to join any school clubs or attend football games or stay the night at friends’ houses. My childhood was school, home, chores all weekend, and repeat ‘til graduation. They couldn’t understand why I went so wild after I left for college.”
— gummyworms123
11.“My mom constantly accused me of faking and told me to suck it up when I had any health issue. She would also always complain if she had to help me with any of those issues in any way. I have a heart condition that would cause me to go unconscious until I got a pacemaker. When I started having issues, I would get random dizzy episodes. Like, debilitating dizziness. Such an episode happened at an amusement park. She bitched about the fact that she was stuck with me instead of going on rides while I’m on the verge of going unconscious. The entire time she kept telling me to stop faking it.”
" So in adulthood , I forever second guess myself when something ’s wrong with my health . I have to have full - on conversation with myself where I convince myself that what I ’m feel is real and is n’t right . I always remind myself how I have never been wrong . Every single time I thought something serious was incorrect , it was . "
— doofenshmirtzevilinc
12.“A simple but flawed logic that was instilled into pretty much every kid I knew growing up was to finish everything on your plate. It didn’t matter if you were full or didn’t like it; if it was on your plate you finished it. I remember we weren’t dismissed from the table until every bite was gone. Once my mom made me sit in an empty dark kitchen until 1 or 2 a.m. while I silently cried in front of a half-finished plate (I must have been 8 or 9). I’m in my 30s now, and I’ve struggled with weight, food, and overeating pretty much since childhood. My husband is the same way and definitely overeats on a regular basis. We’ve both acknowledged we have this terrible habit and have to remind each other constantly not to berate our own kids about eating habits.”
— hks273
13.“My parents never talked about their feelings or asked about my feelings; instead they would just yell if something was bothering them. I understand that we all go through tough times, but kids should not be blamed whenever something bad happens. Now I can’t talk about my feelings with anyone because nobody ever asked me so I never found it necessary.”
— zarinat3
14.“I had a general lack of privacy growing up. If my bedroom door was closed, my parents felt they could just come bursting in without knocking whenever, and, as anintrovert, I liked to spend time by myself reading or listening to music and drawing or whatever. They always acted like I was up to something nefarious just because I had my door shut, even though I was a good kid and my biggest flaw was being a little messy. Oh, and that was theend of the worldtoo, but they never actually helped me through it, so guess who has extreme trouble keeping up with housework as an adult.”
— congdongracie24
15.“My dad and stepmom have spreadsheets about how much money they have spent on us kids. Every Christmas and birthday when they send birthday or Christmas money they write on the card that they used the same amount to pay off our ‘debt.’ My mom on the other hand never does that.”
" My dada and stepmom also cave in my little sis an eating upset because when she was 8 ' they think she was convey chunky ' so they give her small-scale portions of food and she had to require for a snack but only something healthy . We all had to expect for a small snack while my dad would have pop and all the unhealthy collation he desire and three-fold parcel of food . "
— gabbydysinger
16.“My mom always told me white lies but about HUGE things. Like when family members were on their death bed, my mom would say she was just going to visit them. It still happens. No one told me how bad my dad was until a couple of days before he died. (I was 32. Not a child.) By trying to protect my feelings, I’ve been robbed of a lot of goodbyes. Which I’m sure is much more damaging.”
— mkatherinekelly
17.“My parents always made me ask for food and were very controlling about letting me eat foods like sweets and chips. This has caused me to hoard food and binge-eat, and I have always struggled to eat in front of my parents because whatever I eat is never healthy enough.”
— ameliaod
18.“My family told me white lies to avoid dealing with my emotions about certain things. They sold the trampoline I loved without telling me; they put my pet asleep without telling me; they would show up to school (during sex ed) or call teachers without telling me. Now my main goal is always to never bother anyone, or I feel guilty if I act anything but happy. Parents in general put too much pressure on their kid’s emotions affecting their own emotions. Parents often say, when you’re happy, I’m happy. It inadvertently makes the child responsible and in control of your happiness. It’s fair.”
— kellylharney
19.“My mom will tell me and my brother that my younger sister isn’t their favorite, but it’s super obvious. As a kid, all I wanted was a hamster, and my parents always said no, but when my sister asked they couldn’t get her one faster and then proceeded to get her two guinea pigs when she asked too. Another example is if I needed underwear or essential clothing, she will say no, but for my sister (who literally only wants to wear leggings and a shirt) my mom will go to the store and buy her a whole new wardrobe because she ‘thought she’d like it.’ It’s just super obvious to me and my brother.”
— maelag
20.“They didn’t divorce when I was 10. They split up for a while, then got back together, then split up again, then got back together again until they finally divorced when I was 17. My mom and I had to move every time. They thought they were doing what was best for me by keeping the family together, but I just ended up not having a stable home while having front-row seats to their toxic relationship and constant arguing. Parents, don’t stay together just for your kids.”
— hailcthulhu
21.“My parents use a phone monitoring and limiting app for all of my siblings and me. While I understand the filtering part, I think the time limits on everything are really annoying. But even worse than that is the constant access to everything I’ve ever done on my phone or computer. I think I’m a good kid. I don’t see myself as being untrustworthy. But when my parents can go through all of my text messages, apps, and websites, it makes me feel like I have to hide everything from them. I really do appreciate my parents, but it kind of hurts that they don’t trust me or respect any kind of privacy.”
— verycharismaticabomination
22.“I’m the youngest of three, so when my sister did things, I would usually get dragged along. I remember when my sister wanted to get a bikini for the first time. After she tried it on, she showed our mom what it looked like, and our mom said, ‘You’re going to have to do some crunches or something. Nobody wants to look at that.’ And my sister definitely didn’t need to do crunches. So ever since then, I’ve had body dysmorphia and never think I look good in certain clothes because I always have a fear my mom is going to say something like that to me.”
— cheflw
23.“My parents had an extremely hurtful way of ‘helping’ me with my math homework. I was yelled at for not understanding fourth-grade math and crying about it. It makes sense when you’re 9, I’d like to think? I didn’t know a lot about that kind of math…interestingly enough, neither did they. So basically, I was screamed at and berated for not understanding something they didn’t either. I just wish they could’ve seen it from my side. Now I feel like I lack any confidence or intelligence because all I hear is them telling me how stupid I am. Even though those are not the words they used, that feeling sticks with me.”
— lionesserin91
24.“My mom goes through my phone weekly. There’s a fine line between being concerned about your child’s phone usage and being plain nosy. She doesn’t go through anything besides these apps: Messages, notes, contacts, and the call history. Why? because those are the apps where she can see personal information about me. On the notes app, I keep a ‘diary’ in the front, and every day I write down everything significant that happened and how I feel about it. She also BLOCKS MY FRIENDS FROM MY PHONE just so that I will talk to her more, and she told me this. My screentime average per day is two hours. I am not texting constantly.”
— hehe_banana
25.“My mother constantly vented about my father to my sister and me, even when we were very young. No grievances were left between just the two of them. My dad isn’t a great husband or father, but he’s certainly not a bad one either. Hearing this constant negativity warped my perception of him though, and we had a horrible relationship from the time I was a kid into young adulthood. We are better now, but it’s still an awkward relationship. I feel like my mom was instrumental in creating strife between him and me, and I don’t think we will ever recover to have a totally normal and healthy relationship.”
— a4760e30c4
26.“My parents would punish me and all my siblings for something one of us did, even if they knew who did it, just to see if we would rat the guilty one out or they would confess. It was so unfair, and they didn’t allow us to ask questions about the punishment.”
— stormwatcher
27.“I was the ‘highly gifted kid,’ and my parents always told me I was smarter than everyone else. Whenever I was being bullied, my parents told me it was because the other kids were jealous of how smart I was. (In reality, I was bossy and talked like, well, I thought I was smarter than everyone else.) I was constantly told I was smarter than my cousins, my stepbrother, and most other adults. Guess who now struggles with crippling perfectionism and OCD.”
— books_baking_broadway
28.“My mom was my ‘best friend’ as a teenager. She was always considered the cool mom. She bought my friends alcohol, and cigarettes, and let us drink in the house. She let me sleep at my boyfriend’s house, and she called me out of school whenever I wanted. Sure, it was cool at 17, but I pretty much ruined my young adult life. I barely graduated high school, couldn’t get into any colleges, and developed an addiction to alcohol before I was 21. It didn’t stop until I finally cut off my mom and the alcohol followed. I’m now 26 with my own child, and while I’m not going to be strict, he certainly won’t be my ‘friend’ until he’s older.”
— jamiel4ed9271bf
29.“I was never taught proper nutrition OR proper financial management, and now I have an absolutely terrible relationship with food and am only now, at 31 years old, somewhat gaining control of my finances.”
— KateTheGreat77
30.“My parents had a double standard for boys vs. girls. As the girl, I was expected to do my chores (housekeeping type of stuff) every day, but my brother never did any of his chores (weekly yard work) but never faced any consequences. Whenever I would complain about my brother’s mess or bad habits (like puddles around the toilet, YUCK!), my mother would shrug and tell me to ignore it. But if my brother complained about my mess (like too much makeup on my countertop), I had to clean it up right away. It really taught both of us the wrong things. Boys don’t have to help around the house or have consideration for anyone else. Girls have to work around the boys and give them a pass.”
— absurda42
31.“I was and, as an adult, still am constantly being guilt tripped by my parents. I was moderately spoiled, and my parents gave me a lot of financial support, but it wasn’t unconditional. They’d bring it up constantly if I seemed even the slightest bit unenthused about doing something for them. Any time I tried to express myself or my concerns, they’d remind me how good they’ve been to me and how none of my other friends have parents who spoil them this much. I barely speak to my parents even though we live in the same house because I can’t trust them enough to communicate my thoughts and feelings. I’m also always getting judged and never actually get emotional support if I talk about any struggles I’m having.”
— earthqvakes
32.“My parents got me into softball at a very young age. I love the sport, but they almost ruined it for me. I had hitting and pitching lessons twice a week from ages 9 to 18, played on as many travel teams as my dad could get me into, and was constantly being compared to the other players and my family members. My parents were SO serious about it! I think my dad missed his glory days of college baseball and was always trying to relive them through me. He wanted me to be great because he thought that made him great, too. I remember hearing the song ‘Perfect’ fromJagged Little Pillfor the first time and just crying so hard because it described my life so perfectly.”
— eivor1612
33.“The one thing I feel like my parents did that was the worst was neglecting our tooth care. They never told us every night to brush our teeth, and now we all struggle with that; we have a hard time remembering to do it, doing it, and [continuing to do] it.”
— scorpio_moods
34.And finally, “The whole ‘I’ll give you something to cry about’ schtick when your child is crying about something that isn’t PHYSICALLY hurting them is so awful. My dad would say this to me when I was young. Crying was seen as weak in my house, and now I’m unable to express or talk about any emotions I do have, and it makes it especially hard for me in relationships.”
— mowedlawn
Note : Submissionshave been edited for distance and/or clarity .
