" The strictest parents raise the in force liars . "
Most people can agree that parenthood is one of the hardest jobs in the world, which is why Reddit userCarnadgeasked,“What’s a parenting method that you believe messes up kids?”
1.“I remember the day I stopped trying at school. I got the top grade on a biology test, and it was a big win for me because I wasn’t particularly talented at anything else, and I had some real competition in that class. I told my mum about it, and she just asked, ‘Why didn’t you get one hundred percent?’ That took all enjoyment out of my victory. Instead of motivating me to do better, it made me wonder why I should even bother. Nothing I do will ever be good enough, so why waste my time?”
2.“Comparing your kid to other children, like ‘Why can’t you be more like your cousin?’ That’s no way to build their confidence.”
— SassyRoro
3.“The ‘what’s good for the goose is good for the gander’ method of discipline. I’m the oldest of five kids. If one of us got in trouble, then all of us got in trouble. My parents believed that by doing this, we would try harder to stay out of trouble so we wouldn’t get our siblings punished. It caused a lot of resentment among us, especially toward my middle brother, who had ADHD. He tried so hard to stay out of trouble, but he was almost constantly doing something stupid. There was a month when we didn’t talk to him because he got our Nintendo 64 taken away. I ended it when he started to cry one night because he believed we didn’t love him anymore.”
4.“My parents used to constantly talk about how great life would be if I wasn’t born.”
— takeonmebyaha
5.“Holding children to a higher standard than the adults in the house. My dad could scream, throw things (sometimes at us), break things (sometimes our things), etc. It would usually be ‘our fault,’ or he would laugh it off as normal dad behavior. But if one of us acted that way, there was hell to pay.”
6.“Belittling their problems. I’m 26, and my mother STILL does this (she’s a teacher with a martyr complex). I stopped trying to voice frustration with my own job because, ‘Don’t I know how hard teachers have it? SHE DOESN’T GET A RAISE EITHER!’ Sometimes you just wanna talk to your mom as an adult and bond about how terrible work can be without it turning into a competition.”
— Anonymous
7.“Yelling at your kid for crying. They’re probably crying because you’re yelling at them, and they’re scared of you!”
8.“Parents who never give their kids space or trust them at all. I had a teacher who would talk about how she monitored her kid’s cell phone and kept him on a pretty tight leash. I don’t think I would have grown up to love my parents and be a respectful, functioning adult if my they didn’t trust me and give me a little bit of space.”
— hotdinner
9.“My mom read my diary and checked my phone, so now I have trust issues. I can’t even write my own thoughts down because she might find out that I feel things.”
10.“All punishment, no reinforcement.”
— carNESSmunster99
11.“When parents talk right in front of their kids about how they are ‘bad’ or ‘don’t listen,’ that gives children a story about themselves that they are a ‘bad child.’ This leads to more negative behavior because you are giving the child permission to behave that way — it’s who they are now.”
12.“I think I was a reasonable kid right up until a narrative emerged in my family that I was selfish and difficult. After that, it didn’t really matter what I did because the idea was out there. So anything I did would be mashed into that particular mold.”
— MAXIMUM_FARTING
13.“Publicly embarrassing your child as a form of punishment.”
14.“When parents avoid opportunities to treat their kids like humans who deserve respect. Every time I give my kids a rule or guideline, I explain to them why it exists, give them examples from my childhood, and say what I learned from it. We have a working understanding that my goal in parenting is to do everything I can to help them succeed, and I do that by being honest about my own successes and failures when I was their age.”
— LikeChicken
15.“Parents need to tell children that they are sorry when they screw up. Offer a heartfelt apology when you make a mistake. Don’t try to explain away your error. Just sit them down, look them in the eye, and say, ‘I screwed that up. I’m sorry. Will you please forgive me?’ They will, and they’ll respect you for it.”
16.“When they’re winning an argument, it’s a ‘conversation.’ When I’m winning an argument, it’s ‘back-talking.'”
17.“Doing everything for them and not allowing them to learn from experience. That just creates sheltered kids who become incapable teens without any street smarts, initiative, or sense of responsibility. Some teens in my family still have to ask their parents if they can have dessert after dinner or watch the news on TV!”
18.“Making fun of their interests. Next thing you know, they will be in their teens, and you’ll wonder why they never talk to you.”
— Aurora320
" Also , making fun of them forhaving a crushon someone . Then the parents will marvel why they ’re still single . "
— upper_monkey_h*rny
19.“Not letting kids ever say no. Obviously, there are certain things parents should make their kids do (like eat some fruits and vegetables, go to school, and get vaccinations). But when you never let them say no — particularly to things like hugging an older relative — don’t be surprised when your teenager/adult has a really hard time saying no to things they don’t want to do.”
20.“My fiancé’s mom has the mindset of, ‘I took care of you for 17 years, so now you owe me.’ She always calls for money or a place to stay and repeats that statement as a way to persuade him.”
— novafern
21.“My parents acted like if they didn’t bring up a topic, they’d never have to deal with it. This was particularly true about sex, dating, making new friends away from home, and becoming financially independent. Of course, I eventually learned about all these things from other sources. But I have a very strained relationship with my parents as an adult because they refused to talk to me about anything.”
22.“Bringing up things that embarrass their kids in front of other people. Just…why?”
— _ shouldbevincent _
23.“Ignoring them. I worked at a daycare, and there was a little boy who told us how he walked out of his house and to theice creamshop…across a busy six lane road. He was so sweet, but he didn’t quite know how to interact with anyone because he was always alone at home.”
24.And finally, “The strictest parents raise the best liars.”
— MRTibbz98
H/Tr/AskReddit
Some reply have been edited for length and clarity .
