" My husband was 48 when we married . I ’ve been blamed for his picture plot hobbies , his night - owl habits , his system of weights gain , and his perpetually untied shoes . There is nothing a valet can do that ca n’t be charge on a cleaning woman . "
We recentlyaskedwomen of theBuzzFeed Communityto tell us things they fell for in their 20s that they now realize are “scams.” They shared the pressures and lies society often pushes on women that are actually toxic, unrealistic, or unhealthy — and it’s a must-read for everyone. Here’s what they had to say:
1.“Turning 30 today. The big one: Motherhood will make you happier. The part they leave out is that it will only make you happier if you really want it, and it won’t all be sunshine and rainbows. My friends who have undertaken motherhood are unhappy, often dealing with the trials of small children, and are often shamed for not loving every second of their time with their kids.”
" Motherhood is a pick that has to be for you , and even if you choose it , it might not look ceremonious . But it is n’t the only metre of your Charles Frederick Worth as a charwoman . "
— misaamaneyagami
2.“Pad commercials advertise that women can still be physically active during their period. No, we don’t have to stay active when we bleed and cramp. It’s okay to just curl up in a fetal position and wish the next month’s period won’t be this bad.”
— chintya
3.“You do not need to support other women just because they are women. Do not buy into the ‘sisterhood’ crap. You are not obligated to be supportive of any woman who goes against your moral, ethical, and personal standards of conduct.”
— gettysburgdressmaker
" Yes . Stop pushing your scammy MLM on me . "
— grumpytortoise104
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
" This ! Men do n’t have to bear out their ' pal . ' They are permit to have an opinion . "
— lenaw4a651b06e
4.“The need to have a partner/husband, or at least to try finding one by dating. My life is peaceful since I don’t even date anymore, and it has given me the best years of my life so far. And I have never been lonely.”
— suky1968
5.“I’ll be 30 in a couple of months, and it’s really the first time in my life that it’s sunk in that I don’t have to lessen myself for the sake of making other people happy. I’ve cut people out of my life recently because of how much it was taking out of me to keep them around, all for the sake of being a good friend. Learning to set and keep boundaries has been incredibly freeing, albeit scary at times.”
" For the first sentence in my life , I feel like I ’m really able to advocate for myself . If me setting those boundaries and speaking up ruffles some feathers , it ’s OK as long as I ’m not being an a - hole about it 🤷 🏻 ♀ ️. "
— mo2758
6.“That women are responsible for the actions of the men in their lives. My husband was 48 when we married. I’ve been blamed for his video game hobbies, his night-owl habits, his weight gain, and his perpetually untied shoes. There is nothing a man can do that can’t be blamed on a woman.”
7.“The much higher expectations placed on women vs men. I got married at age 39 and realized how much I had been expected to do: be thin and attractive, have a career, remember birthdays, have good domestic and nurturing skills, have hobbies, be good with finances, volunteer, be stylish andaesthetic, do that kin-keeping…the list was endless. My husband had so much less expected of him. Honestly, when I realized this, I was jealous of him.”
" citizenry hold women up to much high standard ; women are here to be the moral compass and shielder — NOT .
8.“Makeup. It wasn’t until the pandemic, when I found myself working from home full-time, that I realized that no one needs makeup to look professional. As long as you’re appropriately dressed and professional in your manner, makeup is not required. Plus, my daily getting-ready time has been slashed by a lot — more sleep for me!”
— edgyasteroid895
" Having your nail / makeup / hair always done . That clobber is all so expensive , and it ’s something men never need to care about . "
— izabellatrix
9.“That you have to get married if you get pregnant. I was young and didn’t want to get married, but I got pressured by my parents and in-laws that it was the right thing to do. Got divorced seven years later, and we are great coparents, just not great partners. I knew this then, but I second-guessed myself because I was young and scared.”
— sassylegend40
10.“The prevalence of birth control pills as being theonlyoption. I suffered from massive, debilitating migraines, and the birth control only made it worse. I ended up going off of them at 43 when I was diagnosed with hormone-positive breast cancer and haven’t had a migraine since.”
— Anonymous , 47 , Washington
11.“Apologizing for absolutely nothing. Someone’s shopping cart hits me: ‘Oh, I’m sorry, let me get out of your way.’ Being unable to immediately respond to an email or text, then feeling guilty after 20 minutes: ‘I’m so sorry you had to wait.’ Apologizing for things completely outside your control: ‘I’m so sorry I missed [event], my mom was in the hospital, and I just couldn’t get away,’ etc.”
" Also , accept people mistreating you , and instead of standing up for yourself , saying nothing , tacitly agree to not escalate the situation , or apologizing again . Women are qualify to apologize for EVERYTHING , and it takes years to realise that and even more time to break the use . I’m 37 , and I still apologise for thing on a regular basis , not even earn I ’m doing it until later . "
— Anonymous , 37 , New Hampshire
12.“That you will be incomplete or unfulfilled if you don’t have children. So many of my friends gave up their careers, lives, and personal happiness to have kids. You are not less of a woman if you don’t have kids, and no, that is not your safety net when you get older. It’s the most selfish thing to bring kids into the world to be your butler when you are older.”
13.“That it’s somehow shameful or at least undesirable to look your age and for your body to visibly change as you get older. Sure, it will help you to stay healthy if you do things like moisturise, use sun cream, hydrate, exercise, and eat sensibly — but no product or supplement will you prevent you from getting older, and it’s an absolutely normal and natural thing to no longer look 25 when you’re 40.”
" I ’ve been favorable enough to look younger than I am for much of my adult aliveness , but now , I am actually get down to look nearer to my genuine age , and it ’s taken a minute of getting used to . But not everyone gets the privilege of uprise old , and now , I realize it ’s something to be appreciated and observe rather than something to be embarrassed or sad about . "
— Anonymous , 41 , UK
14.“I dreaded aging when I was in my 20s, but getting older is great! You start caring less about what other people think, you grow as a professional, and you prioritize the most meaningful relationships. After losing one of mybest friendsway too soon, I’ve tried to focus on the fact that aging is a blessing.”
" Sure , I have a few more wrinkles and miss the energy I had in my 20s , butI’m thankful to be here and live this life . "
— tiredpanda2
15.“I grew up in a time of really toxic messaging for women; Victoria’s Secret Angels, A&F stores hiring only ‘good-looking’ people, tabloids covering really thin celebs, and unrealistic standards on TV. All this to say that (white) thinness was the epitome of attractiveness. Looking back at my thinner self, I think about the consumer debt I acquired trying to be like that. I see old photos of myself where I criticized myself, and now I think how gorgeous I was. I have learned that comparison is the thief of joy.”
" You ca n’t put life on hold until you look a certain way , because you ’ll leave out out and your succeeding self will be pitiful you missed out when you were more vibrant , healthy , and able to relish the experience . "
— Anonymous , 38 , Ontario
16.“That a man will complete you, and you will be only half yourself until you find them. [People think] soulmates are romantic partners when in actuality, it’s your friends.”
— Anonymous , 33 , United States
And finally…
17.“I’m no longer afraid to wear my ‘big-girl’ pants. We are taught to be quiet and happy with what we get. Don’t be. Ask for that raise and tell them how much they need you. Have that hard conversation you’re holding off. Stand up for yourself, even if no one else stands with you. Make. Yourself. Heard. It won’t make you the most popular person, but I haven’t regretted a single big-girl pants decision yet, and I’ve done all the above. I got that raise.”
" I ’m happy with my many hard conversation , and I stand tall against my employer , and my coworkers get me fall on the brand for them , but I ’m specify to make a good colonization , and they ’re all still abject . I was bring up by a strong woman , and goddammit , I ’ll die one . you’re able to , too .
— mlz5051
Note : Some responses have been edit out for distance and/or pellucidity .
