" I ’ve developed a method acting where , if she farts , I ’ll let mine err so she ca n’t blame me for the smell . "
A while ago, Redditor@EvilSugarDealerasked, “What’s a secret that you’re never going to tell your partner?” Surprisingly, the answers weren’t all that grim. Many were unexpectedly wholesome or simply just a little funny. Here are 17 that stood out:
response have been edited for duration and clarity .
1.“That I’ve got another bank account that I regularly deposit money into. Got a couple of grand in there as a bit of a slush fund or for any emergencies.”
2.“My farts are almost always silent. So I’ve developed a method where, if she farts, I’ll let mine slip so she can’t blame me for the smell.”
— -CuriousityBot-
3.“On our first date, I went to pick her up. I got to her house and parked across the street. I messaged her an hour later, telling her I accidentally got too high smoking a joint on the way to her. So I slept in the car till it wore off. The secret: I actually got diarrhoea and took an explosive shit on a wall a few houses down from hers. When I picked her up, we drove past it, and I saw her look at it on the way past. It’s been 7 years. 😂”
4.“I still have the stuffed animal I said I lost years ago. It’s hidden in a drawer because it’s too embarrassing to admit I can’t sleep without it sometimes.”
— knowledgepower1192
5.“When she was giving the kids a bath one night, I decided to install the surround sound speakers on the skinny table behind the couch. I slid out the sofa and the table to get access to the power strip (two lamps and a phone charger were already back there) for the subwoofer. I saw a rolled-up black shirt on the floor next to it. Closer inspection, and instead it was a black snake rolled up in a ball, getting some warmth from the power strip. She’s TERRIFIED of snakes. I ran out to the garage, grabbed a bucket and lid, picked up Mr. Sleepy, and put him (or her, I didn’t have time to ask) in the bucket and quickly out into the garage. The next day was an unusually warm winter day in the US southeast, so I let it go in the field across the street. I’m guessing it got in from one of the HVAC boots nearby on the floor.”
— ThePoliticalGuru2036
7.“The morning after our first date, I was driving her back to her car and put on the song ‘American Pie’ by Hoodie Allen. In the moment, she made a comment about me putting it on for her. And she’s since said that me playing that song for her kinda confirmed for her that I was into her and it wasn’t just a one-night stand or whatever. She doesn’t bring it up constantly, but I’m never surprised when she does. And she loves it when I play it around her. What I’ll never tell her is that the song had just recently come out, and I’d only heard it once. So I just really wanted to listen to it. I didn’t put it on for her and I didn’t intend for her to take it any type of way. But I am so glad I put it, and I’m glad she took it that way, which is why I’ll never tell her.”
8.“I used to do funny voices as our cat, or now my daughter’s guinea pig. It’s because I have invented a whole persona for them in my head. The guinea pig, who is a bit bossy and temperamental, is a gangster with a whole crime empire and enjoys saying, ‘How do you like that? How do you like it?’ in a rough cockney accent when he bites/wees on one of us. Our cat was a sly super villain who enjoyed the art of psychological warfare. She was particularly good at hiding socks for nefarious reasons and has a rough Glaswegian accent, similar to mine but without the edge polished off. I honestly don’t know how I’d explain all that now.”
— crimsonavenger77
" My khat is a KGB spy who does n’t know the Cold War is over . She has a thick Russian speech pattern , but she tries to immix into American cultivation as considerably as she can . We pretend she is American , so she does n’t feel ego - conscious about her screen being blow . But we all know she is a Russian spy . She despises us and our capitalist ways , but she also has lavish perceptiveness . So she clamber internally with that . She reports back to her Comrade when we are n’t around . So we do n’t love exactly what she is order them , but we believe she is waiting for her signal . sign to what ? We do n’t cognise . That ’s the scarey part . "
— greenteasmoothie138
9.“I let her win at Scrabble.”
10.“That, when we play puzzle-oriented video games, I don’t speak up when I solve it in my head. She gets stressed with video games, and I love to play with her. But if I solve it faster every time, she won’t want to play as much. She’s new to it, and I want her to enjoy it with me! First, we playedA Way Out, which isn’t really a puzzle game. But it was a lot of fun. Then we playedIt Takes Two, which is a bit more puzzle-oriented. Currently playingUnraveled Two, which is the one I am talking about.”
— I_shot_president_JFK
" This is candidly so skillful ! I perfectly love it when my partner does that because I ’m the boring one . It ’s a keeper move . "
— Dead_ladybug
" My X and I playedUnraveled Two . She told me that , with 90 % of the puzzles , she figured it out within 30 minute of figure the room . But she did n’t say anything . Because if she did , that intend we ’d diddle for less clip . She also liked hearing how excited I vex when I figured it out . "
— Pyroblisser2
11.“That I don’t really have the power to bring dead plants back to life. They’re called perennials. They’re supposed to die off and come back in the spring lmao.”
12.“My wife is pregnant. A couple of months ago, a rabbit got into our garden. So she grabbed my pellet gun without warning and shot the thing. We try not to be wasteful, so I skinned and cleaned it for a stew. As I was gutting it, I found four placentas. Told her it was a boy, and I’ll carry that to my grave.”
— NegaScraps
13.“That we have some uninvited spider roommates hanging out around the house.”
14.“Some kittens showed up around our house, who knows from where. We thought we found them all and moved them away from the cars when my lady had to leave for work, but I came out to the driveway later and found one smashed when she reversed out. But she must not have seen it while leaving because she never said anything, and that would’ve wrecked her being an empath and knowing she killed it. I disposed of it and never told her. Don’t plan on it.”
— Rossofthewild
15.Finally, “That I cuddle with the rescued road cats that I didn’t want and talk to them in stupid baby voices when no one is around. I keep a hundred pounds of America’s most hated dog, but those cats are so fucking adorable.”
